Now YOU ~ Trust YOU
Day 24 and Day 55 ~ Beyond Layers
Tomorrow, August 8, 2012, I'll be 62 years old. My mother, who is 87, often tells me, "You're from good stock" and hopefully she's right because she's still dancing and I couldn't go wrong growing up to be just like her.
I'm relatively healthy, a bit overweight, and wrinkles line my cheeks and neck...so all in all I should be happy with how I've turned out. Within me, somewhere, I am happy...happy for the trials I've overcome, happy for the honor of raising four fabulous children, happy to have lived in and loved Utah's red desert, happy in finding the love of my life, happy to have spent time with some wonderful friends, happy to find myself on a new adventure in Texas, and yet the number "62" is really getting in the way of finding happiness.
Will I have enough time, at the age of 62, to find my purpose here in this world or will I run out of time? One would think that raising four children would define "purpose," and yet there's an intangible gnawing in my heart and soul that tells me there's something else...something more and unless I can overcome "being 62" I may never discover what it is.
I'm reading Julia Cameron's book, The Right to Write, and I found the chapter "The Time Lie," to be valuable in helping me put my desire for more time in some perspective. She writes, "The myth that we must have "time"--more time--in order to create is a myth that keeps us from using the time we do have. If we are forever yearning for "more," we are forever discounting what is offered." This statement is true for the creative arts, but on a grander scale, it applies to the time we're allotted here on this planet.
My lesson in all of this is to be mindful of the time I've been given each and everyday, live in the moment and be happy and grateful for it, and be humbled and at peace with the gift that's been given. Fretting over how much time is left in my life won't change anything...it will only inhibit my growth and progress along "the road less traveled."
The Beyond Layers Day 24 assignment, Now You, was to post a self portrait. I did some reading on the subject, but the timing wasn't quite right nor was I emotionally ready to work on a photograph of myself, so I decided to wait on completing my homework for that day. Now, weeks later, the Day 55 assignment is about "Trusting You," which is a very difficult thing to do...for me anyway, but I thought a perfect challenge for this assignment would be to finally take a self portrait and post it here on my blog, Facebook, and on flickr!
I found setting up the camera to take a self portrait was pretty easy, even though it took me a week to get the nerve to attempt it, but putting myself in front of the lens was difficult and awkward. I was pretty "stiff" at first...those images have already been deleted...but pretty soon I felt much more at ease and was able to smile more naturally and began to think...well, this is me...in all my glory...62 and all!
The image was run through RadLab (I can't remember now which style-ettes I used), but here it is...my first true selfie!