Having a tough day...5 months living in a 25 foot trailer (and counting), Texas heat gaining strength, sick basset, even thoughts that I've wasted 4 years of my life here in Texas, but then I read the following from Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert...
She's talking about the time she spent writing "The Signature of All Things" and how there's good and bad in everything.
"...I'd had a thrilling intellectual and emotional experience writing The Signature of All Things--and the merits of that creative adventure were mine to keep forever. Those four years of my life had been wonderfully well spent. When I finished that novel, it was not a perfect thing, but I still felt it was the best work I'd ever done, and I believed I was a far better writer than before I began it. I would not trade a minute of that encounter for anything."
I know as time approaches for me to leave Texas, having struggled here about so many things...I know I'll take with me some wonderful experiences...memories of the expansive horizon that is Texas...so rich in color and light, landscapes lush and green, and landscapes desert dry and flat, old and failing Texas towns where the spirits of bygone days fill the air, and where every Texan stands to sing "Deep In The Heart of Texas" at a Rangers game.
I am better now having written this and my perspective is altered. Bittersweet leaving this place, there are people I love here...but it's time to go home.